I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
