i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
