woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
