I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
