Buhtt sex?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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