I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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