Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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