i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
