I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
