A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Pants are for mortals
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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