Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.