Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
