I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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