one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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