Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
