The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
