there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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