i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
