My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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