I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
