I never want to see another naked old woman again.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
