bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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