She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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