If that was your dad, he is hot
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
What drink are we having for lunch?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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