Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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