I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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