i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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