After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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