I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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