i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
