Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize