dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
