Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
