guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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