Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
