my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
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girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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