imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize