wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
