You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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