does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
