okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
