You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
