i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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