I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
