Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
