What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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