I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
