I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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