For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
