Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
