After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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