Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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