We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
