Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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