I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize