I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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