Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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