home. puking in laundry basket.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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