I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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