By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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