im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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