And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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