dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
