dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
