"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
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I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
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The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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